


Not okay

by Braila125



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Depression, Help, Mental Breakdown, Suicide Attempt, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-17 06:30:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15455394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Braila125/pseuds/Braila125
Summary: In which Marinette struggles with depression and Adrien tries to help her. (After reveal, before s2, some swearing)Also posted on my Tumbrl (Sabitan).





	Not okay

“Marinette, please, open the door” he repeated once again, but his only response was this terrifying silence. He prayed to God that she was still alive on the other side. She had to be.

It was only week since she got back home from hospital. A month since they learned their secret identities. And while Adrien noticed how different she acted in the last year, he would never suspect that it’d end with her parents finding her on her bed with empty boxes after pills on the nightstand. They were able to bring her back but she refused to talk to anyone, especially him. Actually, she wouldn’t talk to him since that day. And he couldn’t stop thinking that he was one of the reasons she tried to kill herself. And that’s why he couldn’t understand why Tikki urged him to come and try to talk to her. Everything he met was closed bathroom doors.

“Mari, please, talk to me” he tried once again. But she stayed silent. He sighed and leaned forward to rest his forehead on the cold doors. How he could let that happen to her? She always seemed so happy and open for everyone and everything. But again - wasn’t he the same? He also was wearing a mask. Being Chat Noir was helping him. The feeling of despair and sadness and loneliness wasn’t so strong anymore, since he has had his Lady and his Princess beside him. Not to mention his friends outside the secret identity. And now… Everything seemed to shatter. Now Marinette was struggling with the same thing and he didn’t notice a thing. What kind of friend he was? Not seeing that something slowly was destroying her. While for him Chat was freedom, for her Ladybug was a curse.

And he didn’t see that coming.

“I’m not going anywhere until you say something” he tried again. This time he got a response.

“Fuck off.”

That surprised him. Marinette have never been the one to swear. And yet here she was, telling him to simply fuck off. And while it hurted to hear that she didn’t want him, he also felt relieved that she was still alive in there.

“And that’s a progress” he said quietly to himself. “Tell me how are you feeling.”

“And why would you care right now, huh?” She scoffed and he heard muffed thud. She was angry. Really angry. He gulped and took a deep breath. That wasn’t this cute stuttering girl. It was an angry, broken teenager that needed help. And he had to give it to her.

“I’ve always cared” he said simply. “I’ve just been a coward not asking you what was wrong.”

“Nothing was wrong!” She screamed. Her voice sounded hoarse and she was probably crying. “Marinette always was okay, so was fucking Ladybug, the big heroine. They were always okay cause no one ever expected it would be different! So nothing. Was. Wrong.”

“But it is now, isn’t it?” He asked and she didn’t say anything to it. Adrien sighed and sat down on the floor leaning his back on the doors. He didn’t know that Marinette on the other side was doing exactly the same thing. “It feels like no one would understand or care if something happens to you just because you don’t care anymore. Like you're not good enough and you can’t take it because it hurts so bad and you have no one to talk about it. And wouldn’t talk about it with anyone because first of all no one would truly understand and second of all no one would ever be able to help you. It’s not easy, Princess. And it’s not okay and I know it because I’ve been through this once” he chuckled darkly. She didn’t say a thing. So he decided to keep talking. To show her that she wasn’t alone. Not now, not ever. “Actually, more than once. But somehow I’m still here. Do you know that you’re one of the reasons why?” He asked, smiling, this time without darkness or sadness underneath it. “And Mari, you need to know that despite what you think or what you feel, you’re not alone. We might not understand. But… But your parents, friends, they will still love you the same. No matter if you’re saving Paris, eating dinner with them or bleeding to death on the bathroom floor. Nothing will change that.” He stopped to think if what he was about to say wasn’t going to hurt her even more. But he couldn’t pretend he didn’t feel this way. She had to know it. She had to know it for sure, especially now. “Mari, I will still love you the same”.

All he heard was a scoff and a words he thought could never hurt more.

“You were in love with Ladybug. Not me.”

“I thought I was with love with Ladybug. But it was you all along. I was… I am in love with you.”

“Bullshit. You fell in love with her because she’s fucking perfect. She’s unbreakable and even when I freak out, she comes with a solution. And everyone counts on her and trust her because she seems worth it. Because she is worth it.”

“Why are you talking about her like she’s completely different person?” He asked confused. They weren’t so different after all!

“Because she is! She is different! She’s not me! You love this perfect bullshit not me! I’m only standing in the way!” She screamed and he didn’t know if she sounded more angry or sad.

“That’s… That’s not quite true” he said slowly, not so sure if she had heard him. “Okay, I fell in love with Ladybug. Her passion of doing what was right. Her strength and confidence. But I also never stopped loving her when she seemed vulnerable. When she had her breakdowns and didn’t know what to do. Yes, I was in love with Ladybug but that doesn’t mean I’d never love you. Not only because I promised myself to love the girl behind the mask no matter what. And not because you make her the perfect picture, you make her a hero. But because you’re an amazing friend. Because you were one of the first I met at school and I always liked the way you stood up for yourself or others. I liked the atmosphere you spread around yourself. And I couldn’t help but smile every time I saw you. And I know it sounds like complete bullshit but I think that… If there wasn’t any Ladybug and Chat Noir to begin with, I’d fall in love with you completely. That it would be only you. But I was so blinded by her, so busy convincing myself that I wouldn’t love someone else that I haven’t noticed that my Lady was this whole time right in front of me. That all I ever needed was my Princess.”

And he heard exactly what he expected to hear after those words.

“Bullshit. Admit it. We are so different that you wouldn’t even think that I might me her.”

“Maybe I was just blind. Besides, you haven’t noticed as well. So blinded by Adrien that you wouldn’t see Chat. While he was the real me all along.”

She didn’t say anything. Maybe it wasn’t the right thing to say right now but he had to. He has also been hurt! She wasn’t the only one to feel this way. And she needed to understand this. He sighed.

“I’m not okay either. And I’m ready to say it out loud only if you’ll do it too. I’m not going to leave you alone with it. We are a team, remember? We can go on a therapy together if you want to. You and me. We can get through this like we always do.”

There was a moment of silence and then he heard her move on the other side.

“You promise?”

His heart clenched at hearing those words. So desperate and full of hope.

“Of course I promise.”

Then the doors opened. Adrien quickly got up just to see Marinette, the one he couldn’t even properly look at for the last month. Her hair were down, clearly not washed or brushed for a long time. She seemed much thinner than usually and her face had had this unhealthy shade of grey. Those big blue eyes now puffed and red from crying were looking down like she was ashamed of herself. She shouldn’t be. Everyone has a right to feel down sometimes. Even a hero can fall. He didn’t know what he was doing. Second later he was just holding her in his arms. She stiffened at first but then hugged him back and he felt new tears wetting his t-shirt. But he didn’t care. She was here. Safe. And he will never let her go.

“I’m sorry” he heard her voice. It was muffed as her face was hidden in his chest. She didn’t give him enough time to express his surprise at her statement. “I’m sorry for not seeing you.”

And then in hit him. They were both so blind. So freaking blind. Despite the situation, he chuckled.

“Yeah. We’re both so oblivious, aren’t we?” But after a while he said it. “I’m sorry too.”

It wasn’t okay. But it could be better. One day. They knew it.

They were a team after all, right?


End file.
